Ente Pae pidicha chintakal

Kore kaalam kazhijaanu productivaayi keyboardil kai vekkan saadichatu..... cigarettinte ash okke tattikalanjappo ethaandu oru 90% keysum anangi tudangi... ini tirichuvaraam.... ithu matte kootara postukal pole alla..... jeevitham adichukittiya oru malayali youthinte niswaasangal aanu.... frustration moothu vattakunna pillerum , chill out cheytu marichu mental aaya mattoru teamum, pinne padittam maatram aanu jeevitham (read practical knowledge=0) ennu parayunna oru inam ( Ooombanmaar ennu omanapperu) ulla ore leading institute of management education stapanattile vidyartti aanu..... jeevithattine oru vazhikkethikkan naattukaaru pedapaadu pedunnu... oline kandappo feroz enna suhruthu oru link ayachu tannu... oru nalla Malayalam mix blog... sangathi ishtapettenkilum ferozinulla customery “ nee ithu varem nannayilla alle ??”enna upadeshashakalavum koduttu njanum ithu pole ezhuthum ennu paranju.... 10 devasam kazhijappola avasaram kittiyathu...

MBA ennal kuthiramutta viriyikkunnataaanennanu naattukaaru vicharikkunnatu... ee processiloode ponavarkke satyam ariyoo.... “manassu prakshubdamaanu enna oru postil Mathai( Mathew George. Aliyante thallakku vili kelkkattavar tiruvanthorattu koravaanu ) enne tag cheytappolanu sradhichatu... ente samaprayakkar kore ennam kettipoyi.... baaki ellam frustrated life nayikkunnathu... ivied akappettavar penpillere kaanathe mental aakunnu.... vaikathe nalla muttan anti social sociopath aakan ( Nitu’s words “nee oolampaarakku oru vaagdaanamaanedaa” ) potential ulla piller..... scarcity kaaranam “princess and Adimas” enna complex social phenomenayum njan witness cheytu kazhinju... life oru vidhattil nokkiya muttan comedy aanu.... kochuveluppankaalathu alarm vechu njetti onarnnu cigarette thappunnathode dinam aarambhikkunnu.... insomnia baadhichu alayunna njangal orangan thane 2 manikkooredukkum... Arun Sudheendran parayunna polatte ‘njetti urangunna’ concept serious aayi edukkenda oru samayam aayirikkunnu... etaayaalum class ennathu oru maaya aakunnu.... caselets and cases kunnu pole... class teernnu kittan onnum venda... nice aayi oranguka... allel productivaaayi time waste cheyyuka.... classil laptop torannu vechu poker kalikkumbolanu frontil Mandeep Sing irunnu GTA SanAndreas kalikkunathu kandathu.... pandu engineeringiu padichirunnapol kalichu pandaram adangiya oru game aayirunu....ellarum upari padanam allel joli ennu paranju kazhiyunnu... everyone changes.... changes inevitable aanu... adaptive cheytillel adichu kittum ennu poorna bodhyam vannappolanu MBA ennatinte soul entanennu manassilayathu.... athu manassilayal ithu oru cakewalk aanu.... first yearile pillere kanda ariyam enthoru enthusiasm aanennu... ivanmaar enthu moothu moothu oru vazhiyakumbo chelaru padikkum chelaru padikkilla.... jeevithattil experience kondu padikkathavan kaalakramena panadaram adangum ennathinu evidence thane undallo.. (Unknown child itching knowing).

Madi enne pinneyum baadhichu tudangiyirikkunnu... ithu ivied vechu avasanippichillel njan orukaalathum ithu post cheyyilla... ithu njan fbyil post cheyyum... Njaum immni valya oru Fb sensation aakatte :D .... Joker signing off

Key takeaways: Manassu oru marayonthu pole aanu. athinu thonnumbol athu colour maarum

THE POST WHICH SHOULD NEVER BE READ

I am one lazy bugger. I love to write but I am too lazy to put finger to keyboard so as to speak. now that the world around me is talking about the one bad night in a future corp banker's life and this being it. my future being as ambiguous as it can be I am not a stakeholder in the above equation.
so anyway this is rantin raving and rambling me who is in charge now. i thot about a million good topics to write since the last post. my brain being as slow and lazy as me, had forgotten each and everyone of them. so if anyone care to read this, this is bullshit like the usual stuff i write.
since i am not in my senses as usual, i take this opportunity to excavate the dump of my mind and pick out the thoughts on love.
this is being typed 15 mins and one cigarette since the last sentence.I have no freakin clue what to write about love. this also brought to my attention that i suck at relationships. i think i am wired to be a sociopath and being clumsy in a group. parading a girl around is not my brand of smokes.
moving over, what else can i talk on??? could do a million things from social problems to business strategies and all that shit that are collateral to being an MBA.But why??? people like are opinion writers. i pen down what comes into my mind. i seldom go back and correct whatever i have written. i never read back and i never even check for typos. this helps preserve the authenticity of my opinion. so coming back to opinion writers, they are never meant to make differences. they may make people aware or even succeed in convincing them on their point of view. bur at the end of the day the mob psychology works out and they ignore opinions. so why choose opinion writing to analysis based blog ??? this leads to the magical world of the psychology of blogger.
the question is why ppl blog???
one is that they want to be heard. not as if they have revolutionary ideas or anything but the truth is that anyone who blogs need one thing, ATTENTION. this is actually a method used to fulfill one's own self actualization needs. 99.99% blogs have one reader, the writer. all the social networking sites made things easier by posting this shit as updates so frnds can read (its the exact same shit i am going to do. i am posting this as a fb update. I need to feed my ego too).
anyway i am still stumbling and ranting. I do feel the need to curse n swear but somehow i am so docile today. **stopping in fear of being too random***
this is the most random shit post i have ever written. this is a reminder and lesson for me that how moronic I can be.this post is not for anyone to read but me :)

2009

this blog wudnt have happened if I havent had an urge to take a leak @ 4 ib the morning on JANUARY 1, 2010.
with this words I begin my journey to 2010 and i shud be looking back and thinkin bout wat all happened in 2009. but all i can think now is that I shud be brushing my teeth as soon as i finish this. last one week has been the only week in 2009 in which I havent had any intoxicants. 2009 was mad and as usual like a roller coaster. but damn my fate , my cart decided to detach from the rest n take a freestyle acrobatic ride than the usual one.
since i am lazier than usual, i shud be listing down all the things that happened to me last year :)
-started the year with a freakin exam followed by a trip to homeland where i grew up as a cub :P
-lived life like a moron for almost 360 days and like an imbecile for the rest
-stopped giving a flying fuck about academics (i've done that before but this time suffered for it, heavily)
-spend the worst two moths of my life in a shitty place, forced to socialize with the biggest arsehole I have ever seen :(
-had the shortest ever relationship in my life, 2 days :)
-did the mistake of going back to that relationship
-had a mad blast at Delhi during summers,passed out in delhi, woke up at gurgaon
-flunked in IIM (read long term strategy considering recession n shit :P)
-realized that Febna's theory regarding my lady friends are true (supported by staggering empirical eveidence)
-realised I am not a quitter, at least when it comes to smoking
-tried out various deadly concotions which includes green dragon
-i hate arseholes who study too much and have zero practical knowledge
-spend the laziest june in my life doing nothin but eatin, sleepin and productively wasting my time.
-realised the fact that the only ladies u can depend on are ur mom and ur friends' girlfriends. they will always love u more than ur ladyfriends :)
-trued to keep a tortoise as a pet
- renewed my hate for Excel and Powerpoint
-discovered Counterstrike Condition Zero is a religion
-started smoking pipe
-stopped using cell phone
-2009 was a puke free year despite binge drinking sprees on regular intervels
-missed homefood n Tvm like mad
-realised the above statement is false
-turned into a hardcore insomniac
-failed to impress girls :) (24 years in a row)
-rediscovered my passion for sketching
-never missed an exam(also read, studied minimal quantity)
-found amazing friends
-increased my knowledge in botany
-failed to keep a pet
-got stranded in various airports and train stations
-pierced my ear
-shaved my head
-reduced weight
-did not fuck a whore
-purposefully performed bad in an interview
-scared the livng shit out of several people
-went on an amazing date to a zoo :D(yup, ZOO)
-missed many who didn't miss me
-did not attend even a single wedding or engagement if that matters
-Wikipedia is God's way of telling "knock, and it shalt be open"
-started drinking beer and rum again
-narrowly escaped death several times
-missed cooking
-forgot birthdays and got kicked for it
-learned to roll a cigarette
-tried learning guitar
-failed to understand the female of the species
-doubted the existance of own lungs
-passed out only thrice in the whole year
-got a diagonosis of keratoconus
-switched over to contact lenses
-lost and gained weight like the sensex
-recognized music as the religion of the masses
-failed to die

these are some of the dumbest things I did. i am sure there wud be more , but then again laziness is my excuse for stop tappin on the keyboard. 2010 will be good so was 2009. there are no bad years only bad people :)

i hate fucking typos in my blog.... blame it on whiskey

majestic mug

In every man’s life he shall encounter a situation or a time when he goes completely bonkers.. he goes stark raving mad. What may trigger this sudden bout of craziness varies highly from person to person. It could be anything. From cat’s hair to Cuban cigars, from steel spoons to the word yellow. Anyway, i think i am kinda looney on my head right now. What triggered this?? Fuck knows... i am not suppose to remember, am i???

Anyway this is the point of time when i have to have a conversation with myself. Trust me, one Me is bad enough. Imagine two of me. Since i have nothing on my mind i am gonna ramble way with myself.

Me: watchya upto moron?

Me: fuck off!! I am having a headache as is. I don’t want me to evolve it into a deathwish.

Me: chill man, was kinda killing my time. And remembered we have a conversation long overdue.

Me: fuck man... not the girl again.

Me: nope....

Me: acads??? (my feet goes sub zero)

Me: nah.... just chit chat... you know... like ur alternate quantum earth theory...

Me: now.. both of us know tht Earth II exists i dimension Alpha Sahara Sahara...

Me: your fucking weird dude...

Me: whatever.... cigs?

Me: wudnt mind one

Me: still, what actually happened with her man???

Me: I have no freakin clue.... ever since that last phone conversation she goes dean on me... now reduced to occasional pings and formal exchange of words....

Me: good going man.... shit man, i feel so proud... guess I won’t figure out women ever

Me: me neither

Me: idiot, both of us are same.. shit this quantum existence is crazy... remind me to fry my brain when i’m done here... fuck man.. me with me is very dangerous. I’m already contemplating blowing the brains out... fuck fuck....

Me: whoa. Don’t go all trainspotting on me.

Me: whatever, girls maan.... can live without them, but they wont let u live without them.

Me: yeah!! Right... you are a moron..

Me: :D :D

Me: what a girl actually need is a companion who will match her intellectual level

Me: dude, that is the reason we give to all who ask us why we r single :D

Me: but seriously, don’t u think its the truth??

Me: maybe man. Smart girls are like a litter of puppies. Good ones are gone and all that is left are bitches

Me& Me : (brays with laughter at the unintentional and accidental piece of witticism that dropped out of the rusty tin can of my brain)

Me: (wiping off the tears) seriously man. What happened to the dreamgirl

Me & Me : (chanting together)

· Milla jovovich’s face

· Milla jovovich’s looks

· Milla jovovich’s fighting skills

· Sharon stone’s sophistication

· 130+ IQ

· Amy lee’s voice

· Lara dutta’s smile

· Angel wings and a bottle of whiskey in her hand

Me: dude.... OB reading

Me: its ok, let OB read

Me: fuck you moron... OB reading for tomo. Quit fucking around...

All the dumb reverie breaks. There is only one me again. Alone in my room... Pink Floyd flowing from the speakers, infecting oxygen in the room. It was intense...

Me: Shit man... that was crazy. (gasps)... I’ll be so fucked if there were one more of me....

Me: oh would you be?????

-----------------XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX--------------------

This is perhaps one of my first attempts to decipher my recent thought. As always and ever it left me where I began. Nowhere. This is a pure work of fiction laced with mangled thoughts from self. It definitely is not good read but , hey you are jobless if u have reached this far... anyway life beckos from outside... it is raining in Indore. It is also raining in my room. I refuse to close the window and light a cigarette. Stick the face in to the rain, inhaling the smoke deeply.... guess its Joker bowing out.

Brand new mad ravings

After 5 months of sheer laziness, I am trying to put something in the blog lest someone tries to delete it. It s not that i have something good to say or something bad to say... this is just a dumb whim to type away to glory. The fact is that I am the only one who ever reads this sad piece of pseudo-writings. But it is tremendous fun to type shit and hope to god that someone might stumble into it and read it. I am still clueless what to type but by the lords of porno and graphic novels, i am gonna put something here today. When you come to think of it “its all a joke” (Comedian: watchmen)
Oh shit!!! This ain’t moving .... painful when u want to write n u have nothing to write. Kinda feel like n number of exams which were graced by my presence. I always wondered why i feel like a moron when i read textbooks n stuff.. the realisation came very recently. The simple fact that I am a moron. But self-realization is the ultimate solution to morondom. So right now i am in a intellectual conundrum. Am I still a moron or is my tenure as a moron in this world come to an end?
Anyway ignore the bull shit given above and try ignoring the rest of the bullshit following. Things are never a bed of roses with me. Like Prometheus I carry a pocket edition of hell with me. Its my personal set of mistakes that i keep on repeating. Whatever happens to me I successfully manage to screw them up. So again i am successful in screwing things up. So i am successful in something. That saves me from being a loser.
I am a lazy ass. The previous paragraph was written exactly 20 hrs before i started this. Anyway lets get back to the current issues such as a topic to write.... in the past 20 hrs lots of things has gone through the random topic generator popularly perceived as my brain. Listening to all the songs of linkin park in the meantime has kicked the balls of the cynic in me who was fast asleep due to heavy dosage of inebriating substances in the system. Attending classes has helped to alleviate the whole hangover as a nice little lava bath would help an icecube in a whiskey glass. This must be what they call the pain of creativity.... i say its a bunch of dried mangoseeds doused in a pile of month old bull shit. I thought about putting down my interpretation of the chemical fuck up known as love but lack of any good things to put on a blog i decided against the whole exercise. Then thought about writing on anti heroes. There is a topic that is worth mentioning.
The world is said to survive on the delicate balance of duality. The night and day, good Vs evil yadda yadda. Most people would like to see the world as absolute. Most people think they are either very good or very evil. The former as a social acceptability strategy while latter as a sorry excuse to be different from others. Both these category fail to realise that world is nothing but shades of gray. I don’t believe in absolutes as a principle. If each and everyone in this small planet is unique then how can there be only absolutes. Everyone want to be the hero and losers in the game want to be villain. Hero so he can sleep with the girls while the villain can have a shot at raping the girl. Yup its abso-fucking-lutely chauvinistic, but we have to face it. Humans’ ultimate aim in life is procreation and everything else are just collateral. God did make a mistake when he added the little factor of pleasure in the process of coitus. This lead to the situation where the tought process of majority of men is restricted to images and imaginations of female’s vulva. Anyway its a trait of the male of the species and no one ..... i mean absolutely no one can change that. Lets get back to the gray area we were talking about.
Anti heros are people who are the real deal. Their primary mission in life is survival rather than coitus, which i would say is much more logical and practical and will help them in long term. If someone i ever ask me which superhero i want to be, my answer should be a simple me. I don’t have any special powers (if you exclude my larger than usual aptitude to piss off people). I don’t wish to have any either. I am what I am. Yup i know it sounds corny enough as is so i am not pursuing that line of thought anymore. Reading graphic novels and comic has made my reality much more mundane that it has ever been. Characters like Constantine, Spider Jerusalem, Rorschach has heavily influenced they way i think and act lately. The primary reason being they are humans rather than fictitious characters who are created to please morons who still listen to Britney spears and backstreetboys. One reason i shifted my focus in music to genres such as variations of metal and blues is simply because those songs make much more sense to me. Some pathetic boyband singing bout pink roses in a spring which can be given to some bimbo so he can make love to her is much more than bull crap. Love, is much more than the shit they prophecies it to be. It involves emotions and moods which can never be captured in words. When some girl dumps a guy, if he is a BSB kinda guy, he will sing about his broken heart and puppies crapping in spring. The other genre will talk about the hatred generated and his desire to kill the bitch or at least ruin her life, which is a much more realistic version of the emotions they feel. Those who try to hide from these emotions are the real people whom one should be afraid of. The other guy shouts get it out of his system while our BOYBAND lookalike will be keeping it all dammed inside his pink soul and develops various complications such as constipation, psychosis and all other psycho-somatic illness one can amass in a lifetime. Anyway, me not going there anymore. Talking of love is never my strong point.
About a thousand words and still no clear topic here. Just a collection of my raving ramblings which are manifestations of an ENFP type having severe bipolar disorder. Think i am just gonna leave oit at that... more i try to write, more i am fucking up this blog. Joker signing off for now
Peace and light
PS: for the arbit person who may stumble upon this, please lemme know that more than one person (ie me) read this . I am damn curious as a matter of fact.
PPS : even if you don’t respond, may there be peace and light in your life.

pointless......... no surprises here

As usual I am back.. no provocation to write anything.. if u ask me why i write this shitty blog, I hav no aswer to give. but menne its my way of getting my frustrations out or mebbe its just because its me and i am seldom rational. In order to write something you essentially need a question.. whatever comes out is basically an answer to the question. when the question is missing the answer tends to be interpreted as bullshit or even high end philosophy. no way I am gonna claim that whatever crap i put down is philosophy of any vareity but it could be my interpretations of life. As my interpretations of life and everything in this universe is as muddy and vague as er.... something very vague, I am not asking anyone to take the pains in understanding them or even care to read them.
today i was thinking bout writin a book. something in the line of chetan bhagat's only good work, five point someone. the book clicked with the student community especially with the engineers as it pretty much summerizes wats an engineering student's way of life. I could identify a lot with the charecters in the book. I have been a bad bad student once i got into my grad studies. in place of the usual 48 odd papers normal students write, i have written more than a hundred exams. having back papers came to me as easy as breathing. as a normal guy would take four years to complete his engineering, It took me full five years to get myself a professional degree. but at any rate I would say that my life's an underdog's wet dream. the fact that I made thru to an IIM)(even if I'm academically ass raped here) is definitly impressive considerin the fact that i was among the bottom 10 percentile in my grads. but hey, i am not a total loser. my 23rd birthday was eventful. I always wanted to write about this.
that was the day I was suppose to join the Well known institute for management studies in central India. but i was suppose to write the last exam (of course a back paper which i was supposed to pass two years back) so that I may call myself a graduate. the mornin was reserved for the exam. going thru that exercise with the same ease that i can finish a cigarette i was back home by noon. I promptly got out of there and went to see all my friends who were suppose to bid me adieu .. the stupid flight was a connect flight from gud ol trivandrum to mumbai to indore... I remember reachin Mumbai at night about 22:00. after that I was stranded in mumbai airport for almost 7-8 hours (the details are a bit hazy) when I finally made it to Indore by seven next mornin I was more than relieved... it was actually a nice experience, a great story to tell people especially wen ur high. But ever since that day I have never known peace of mind. sure I am relaxed and all but I could never have the same feeling I had standing on a pier smoking a cigarette and watching the rain fall on the ocean like a dream... maybe I am being all sentimental about the past but somehow i feel like I miss the ocean and the moon..
one thing I notice that I use the word Maybe a tad too much. is it because I am full of doubts? the answer is again maybe... yup, it is a vicious cycle...
though this is not the ideal place to be for me i am really happy to be here... its because of the set of morons I call friends who r here... I have met some of the best people in the whole world here..they definitly make it worth being here... (please notice I didn't use maybe here cos i'm absolutely sure about the above mentioned fact)
this post is going to end abrutly like the song toxicity... cos i dont feel like going on with it anymore... bowing out
"Lay beside me, under wicked skies
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze
The door cracks open but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through"
Unforgiven-II (MetallicA)